82) Tipping point

I'm at work, and I'm really struggling to be productive.  I'm tired, which never helps, but more significantly, I realise I'm coming to some sort of tipping point regarding my professional life.  For around ten years, I've been trying to do the responsible, corporate thing. Trying to find a job where I fit in, where I feel capable and competent and challenged and engaged, and I simply haven't found a niche that is me-shaped.  Whenever I hear about people keen to return to their work after having a child, it just boggles me.

It's not that I have a Bad Job - far from it.  It's just that, beyond my general wish to do good, professional work and not let anyone down, I'm totally indifferent to it.  I do not, in the vernacular, give a crap.  I am not interested in my 'career'; I do not want to advance my prospects.  I don't want to 'graduate' into management.

But the big problem here is that the world is full of things about which I really do care, about which I am truly passionate.

If I had no driving passions, no wish to do anything else in particular, I'd be happy enough to plug away at my desk for 37.5 hours per week, collect my pay cheque and relax for the rest of my waking hours.  Unfortunately, that's not me.  I cannot be that person; I am starting to realise that I cannot be happy pretending to be that person.

I'm hoping to agree part-time hours with my employer in the near future.  I'd ideally like to go down to three days per week, but I think they are likely to hold out for four.  I really don't know if that will make enough of a difference to me.

----------------------

One final note:  I do, honestly, realise just how lucky I am to be able to even contemplate voluntary part-time working in our current economy.

Please, no comments encouraging me to 'be happy with what I have' or 'look on the bright side'.  Believe me, if it were that easy, I would already be there.

Comments

[Cally]

You took the words right out of my mouth, and expressed them a lot more succinctly than I would have done! I think the disjunction between working-for-a-living and working-for-the-soul is one of the big Things That Are Wrong With the World Today. Of course, I do tell myself that we are all lucky - lucky to be living in a time and place in history where we can even contemplate working for anything other than basic survival... but once you have the space to have the thought then you can't shut it off and carry on as if you hadn't. I'd like to think that it could be more than personal tipping points happening here and there, but the beginning of a bigger revolution, though I'm not terrifically optimistic. I was going to paste a link to an RSA animation I watched today, but it doesn't seem to be on their website yet. Since you have an iPhone, though, you can download their free app and watch it! It is the one by Dan Pink on what motivates people.

[KnyttWytch]

Wow! Frankly I think that might be a good thing for you - last time you worked 3 or 4 days a week you had more energy for work AND everything else - so here's hoping for good news!

[Cally]

Ah, found it in the archives: this http://comment.rsablogs.org.uk/2010/04/08/rsa-animate-drive/ is the animation I was thinking of. The research chimes perfectly with my own experience -- and I'm sure it does with most people working in those "cognitive skills" jobs -- so why are things the way they are? As my friend Jim says, "They should have asked me. I'd have told them."